Jan Walker - Author

Parenting From a Distance

Your Rights and Responsibilities

By Jan Walker

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments Vi
Introduction Xi
How to Use this Book xii

1. The Commitment 1

The Time Commitment, 1
The Emotional Commitment, 3
Parenting from a Distance, 5
The Commitment of Parenting from a Distance, 6

2. Rights and Responsibilities 13

The Traditional View, 13
Economic Well being, 14
The Importance of Self esteem, 14
Family Functions, 15
Explanations, 16
The Daily Routine, 17
Touching from a Distance, 18
Visiting, 19
Holidays and Occasions, 19
The Systems, 19
Co parenting and Shared Parenting, 20
Reunions, 20
Summary, 20

3. The Explanations 27

Separation Anxiety, 28
Planning How to Tell, 28
If It's Divorce, 29
If It's Incarceration, 29
The Role of Values, 30
The Role of Experiences, 31
Telling the Toddler, 31
Telling the Pre schooler, 32
Telling the Grade School Child, 32
Telling the Pre teen and Teen, 34
Summary, 35

4. The Daily Routine 41

Caregivers, 42
Physical Layout, 44
Food and Clothing, 45
General Health, 48
School, 49
Outside and Leisure Activities, 50
Survival Skills, 51
Transportation, 52
Parks and Playgrounds, 52
Summary, 53

5. Touching from a Distance 59

Telephone, 59
Letters, 61
Tape Recordings, 65
Video Tapes, 67
Summary, 67

6. Visiting 71

Realistic Expectations of Visiting, 71
Places and Things, 73
Keeping Visiting Positive, 75
Visiting Versus Your Love Life, 75

7. Holidays and Occasions 83

A Birthday One's Own Special Day, 83
Christmas and the Holiday Season, 85
Other Holidays and Occasions, 87

8. The Systems 93

Reading and Understanding Laws and Codes, 94
Federal Laws and Regulations, 95
State Laws Affecting Children and Families, 95
Private Agencies, 102
Reimbursing Agencies for Social Services, 102
Conclusions, 103

9. Shared Parenting 109

Sharing The Concept, 109
Negotiated Sharing, 110
Attitudes and Success in Shared Parenting, 111
Advantages and Disadvantages of Shared Parenting, 113
Open Adoption and Sharing, 115
Summary, 116

10. Reunited 121

Parenting Classes, 121
Family Relationships Family Counseling, 123
Transitions, 123
Guilt and Promises, 128
Contracts, 129
Family Meetings, 131
Summary, 132

Appendices 13.7

1 Caregivers, 139
2 Floor Plans, 140
3 Likes & Dislikes, 141
4 Sizes, 142
5 Affidavit of Legal Guardianship, 143
6 School Information, 144
7 Sample Letter to School, 148
8 Sample Letter to Caseworker, 149
9 Health /Immunization Record, 150
10 Record of Legal Documents, 154
11 Feelings from A to Z, 155

References and Suggested Readings 157

Index 159



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